A while ago I got in the business of making ice cream.

Turns out sugar is necessary to lower the freezing point of the mixture and proper ice cream can’t be made without a sweetener. At least not good ice cream that lasts in the freezer. I eventually with practice learned to make amazing batches of ice cream that rivaled places like La Creamery.  But the amount of time and effort to achieve was too great to make it a practical solution. Furthermore the need to use granulated sugar irritated me greatly. Sugar is not my friend. Its something I avoid.

I wanted a ice cream that was sugar free and simple to make. After I reading many books on ice cream both theory and recipe I realized I wasn’t going to find it. I was going to have to make it.

Today was a average day of summer, loaded up with books with my roommate to study, I happened to pick up some cookbooks on popsicles along with my usually A+ certification fair, and Ryan mentioned he was reading about thermodynamics. We talked a bit about how heat flows from one object to another at a cooler temperature and the implications of this.  I think this is where the idea came from.  When I came home today It all came together.

I give you my 2 ingredient, 5 minute ice cream.

The ingredients are:

Half and Half and frozen berries.

The process is simple:

Fill your container with the ice cold frozen berries. Then pour the Half and half slowly between the cracks.  After a few moments stir it gently. You’ll start to notice the cream crystallite and start to take on a pinkish color from the juice.

The goal is to get the cool temperature of the fruit to flow to the half and half bringing it to a ice cream texture. The fruit have a lower freezing temperature. My advice is to wait until you can feel the berries are soft. as shown below:

Incredibly delicious and satisfying and easy to make I’ve found my ice cream substitute!

Future plans involve adding green tea powder to the milk or cocoa and trying different frozen foods to use as mixers.

Today was a day full of edible pleasures.

In the morning I had a plate of eggs, bacon and broccoli

I grabbed a banana and ate it on the way to my landscaping class where I snacked on a apple, ate another head of broccoli, and a bunch of green peppers, I then went to lunch with my lovely friend Mary and had half of her chicken salad with it had my leftovers from dinner, a large slab of beef, later we went to follow your heart for a delicious date and vanilla ice cream shake.

I biked to my fathers office, picked up and devoured some chocolate he had brought for me and we shared a root beer from Australia I had brought.

From there I raced home and started to enjoy the diner that had been left out for me. Biting into the chicken, chewing up the cucumbers as Ryan my roommates friends showed up.

We are going out to a sushi restaurant they said.

And well, I was generously invited to what is now one of my all time favorite restaurants. Its called New Light and Healthy Sushi and their sushi is good. Not really good. Just good. Hand made by a chef in front of your eyes, its what you would expect from a quality establishment.

Here is the twist: for 25$ you can have all you can eat of everything on their menu, on the condition that you finish what’s on your plate before you order again. And no skipping out on the rice. You have to eat it all.

Challenge Accepted. 

I’m absolutely giddy to be ordering all I want but I’m no fast eater.  The four of us are  chatting and taking our time to pick out everything on the menu we want to try. They say it takes 15 minutes for your body to realize its full and after twenty minutes Tyler and Chad are done. 

I’m so used to avoiding grains I’m  getting high off the sugar spike and everything is sparkling.

Ryan has barely ordered anything, and I’m high on rice. We are just getting started.  Tyler and Chad looked on in horror as Ryan and I just started ordering plate after plate of food. Sushi Chef Henry is just starting to look nervous when we agree that:

“Dude we could sooo eat all the octopus in this restaurant.” 

And so it begins. “Henry 2 pieces of Octopus please *omonomonom* Two more Henry!”

And so on. “The secret to eating forever,” I begin with a mouthful  of rice and octopus tucked in one cheek “is to digest the food WHILE you are eating. See I’m going to poop all this out tonight, my poop is going to smell like sushi. I’m going to lean over the bowl and smell my poop.”  

Sugar High

The plate of octopus in the bar gets smaller, until at last we are down to the last four pieces.

“THAT’S IT. YOU ATE IT ALL” Chef Henry Shouts.

“are you sure there isn’t anymore in the back- I begin.

“NO MORE THAT’S IT” Henry says, Crossing his arms. “WE HAVE NO MORE OCTOPUS”

“YEAHHH WE DID IT” Ryan and I high five as we stuff the last of it in our mouths.

We walk away happy men knowing that we ate at least a couple hundred dollars of sushi that day. 

As we pay the bill we talk about how next time we should totally fast the day before so we can eat even more.

The Cashier, she looks scared.  

I’m at my work running the check stand. Bagging groceries with my hands while my mind sits in another place. Safe, secure. I think about many things, it is when I do with my hands what I want to do least that my mind wanders the most. Forcing myself to do the boring has its rewards and I’m not talking about the 8 bucks a hour.

So along comes a woman with an amazing amount of groceries. So stupendously high is her stack once I put them in bags I need to grab a separate shopping cart just to hold it all. Momentarily taken from my world I come back to earth to focus on the task at hand, dealing with all these groceries was going to require some planning ahead and thought.

And so it is now that I listen to her speak with the cashier.  She has three boys in their twentys who have left the nest. None of them called her, let alone visit. She jokes that they are off to visit their girlfriends mothers instead.

When we finish I offer to walk her to her car to help her with her groceries. Grabbing the heavy shopping cart I make small talk, the opportunity to get a tip is always present whenever I do this,

I have a way to constantly get more tips than any other bagger, it involves building rapport and then leading the conversation to me explaining that I took up this job to save up money, which is true and to tell them my Nobel intentions for the money.

But I don’t use this anymore, repetition is the death of me, I would rather explore and engage with people verbally than massage money out of their hearts.

So I start to realize that this woman is genuinely lonely.She feels that her kids are mad at her and its heartbreaking, I build the rapport, I tell her how I won’t be seeing my mother either, I tried to call her this morning and she didn’t pick up the phone.  “its so hard to be close when you live far away” I say to her. Everything I say is the truth, I do not need to lie, I keep it vague and she fills in the blanks with her emotion.

“I-I can be your mother if you want” she says. her arms half open, shaking, nervous and afraid.

I can be this person, I can be who she wants me to be.  I think to myself in a blink of a eye, smoothly I say: “I would love that” as In a single step I bring myself in front of her and wrapped my arms around her in one of my fantastic full body criss-cross hugs.

And suddenly I’m done. I let go and walk away. 

“YOU JUST MADE MY DAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH” she calls out from behind me.

“And you made mine” I reply sincerely

I don’t dare turn back, I’m grinning like a Cheshire cat.

What a tip that was.

I am writing this as 12:08am the cusp of my third day living here and I wanted to take the time to reflect before I go to bed.

I am so happy in my new home, so grateful for what I found and excited for the emotional, mental and even physical growth sure to come from it. My friend Ryan and I are sharing a room and I am finding this to be comforting. My room is no longer my private dwelling place for me to focus inward on myself and my thoughts, it is only a place of sleep, storage and security now. I feel more relaxed and in some ways happy having another breathing individual nearby, perhaps that satisfies from primal urge not to sleep alone. I know I’ll spend more time actively involving myself with people now and as a result my dismal social skills should improve, they being one of my greatest weaknesses and perhaps the most important strength to have in this world.

Christian, the man who owns the facility, and his family are wonderful company and share with me a appreciation for health and education. Their interest in my cooking and own ability have made me very nervous, as I have only been cooking for less than 9 months, and  it has almost always been alone and for myself. I had no one to learn to cook from either it was simply something I started to do myself, and I am still constantly trying new things but now I am nevious and have been making rookie mistakes as I have sitting in the back of my head the thought that others are going to be eating my food and I fret over these experiments of mine and my reputation hanging on their results.

I am going to start looking at how they cook and try my best to learn from them as I spend my own money on private experiments, pressure free. I’ll cook for them things I have mastered and need not worry about later.

The food here is amazing by the way, healthy, tasty and beyond what I’m used to cooking myself. Tomorrow we are going to create a general menu plan for the month and I must do some research ahead of time and cross check that against what I think about what will make a nutritious and balanced meal plan so I can help.

On that matter I am trying to gently present evidence to them that grains are best avoided and that saturated fat is very healthy.  Although the evidence to support both of these truths are tremendously strong, the popular belief for many many years is the long disproven lipid hypothesis that saturated fat is bad for you and the grain industry’s constant labeling that eating oatmeal, Cheerios and the like MAY reduce heart problems as well as the USDA’s ancient and ridiculous food triangle   has brought people to become convinced that processed seeds are the staple of any healthy diet, disregard less of how toxic they are to us uncooked and how recently we started eating them in the human lifespan and how they fly in the face of evolution.

I used to be totally fine with grains but after cutting them out of my diet for a few weeks on the encouragement of my cross-fitness gym I found myself feeling fantastic and many problems I associated with being human completely, me suddenly realizing these all problems all to clearly once they stopped and even more so when I started to eat grains again. As such I feel a strong desire to spread the word about grains and help anyone I can know more about this.

The clouds were brilliant hues of pink, purple and I fell in love with the world all over again.

This complete guide assumes two things: that you have the wisdom and self control. If you are lacking these I suggest you purchase them immediately, few things can be done in life without them.

Want happiness?

The secret is not to care about the wrong things.

Want success?

The secret is to care about the right things!

After the critical failure that was my LAST AND FIRST BATCH of home made ice cream where I attempted to create a cream and fruit mixture that used no sugar I came to find that making ice cream requires just the right mixture, too thin and you have ice slushies on your hand, and as in my case too thick and you’ll be enjoying a cold bowl of whipped frozen cream. Whats worse it tasted bland something fixed with the very ingredient I was trying not to use: sugar.

So this time I based my creation on a recipe from THE INTERNET.

Sugar – 1/2 cup
2 egg yolk
1 cup milk
2 cupa heavy cream

2 tablespoons of shitty imitation vanilla extract that looks at least 5 years old.

Now to start I cracked the eggs into a bowl, hold on to that thought, I forgot to tell you something, that being earlier today I was saddened to discover that some antwad(this most likely being myself ) turned the dial in my fridge up to MAX effectively freezing everything.

So as I cracked my eggs into the bowl I had no trouble  realizing something was very wrong:

That’s right, someone replaced my eggs with  dog testicles .

Disgusting. Oh well Lets carry on,

I cracked the eggs open with a fork and poured in the sugar and  imitation vanilla

D:

So as I defrosted the eggs in the microwave I set the milk % cream on the stove, warming it until it was light and frothy

I then slowly worked in the egg mix and cooked the thing until it became a thick custard. I then set it in ice to cool.

I pulled out my ice cream machine and added the mix with a assortment of frozen berries.

After a short while the ice cream was finished and ready to be wrapped away.

Wow! It actually came out quite good.

But my fun times were not to last. While I was writing this report dear reader a series of events were set into motion that ended in my works termination.

A knock at my door. The house keeper calling out my name. I open the door, I hear 3 words: “Help Me Jonathan” and there she was, glasses impaled into her face. The frame imbedded in her eyelid. “I tripped” she said, gathering paper towels to wipe up the blood.  “Take it out”

“Uh” I said looking carefully at the damage “I don’t have the tools for this, I’m calling a ambulance.”

“but I have no money”

“Don’t worry about that now, Just sit down and relax I’ll take care of everything” I said as  I started to talk to the operator.

After that things went rather smoothly

Firemen arrived very quickly and prepped her for the ambulance that arrived shortly thereafter.

It was only afterwards that we realized she took with her all the keys for the house.

Just as I was first turned to me for help before I was immediately asked if I could pick the lock to the medicine cabinet. They thought I could use my collection of tools to disassemble electronics to take down the door, I had something better.

“Actually I have the tools for this” I said running upstairs and reaching into the dark recesses of a drawer where I had been keeping something of a most questionable use. My lock pick set. Despite being my first time using them, in half a minute I had the massaged the lock open. High fives were given and reliving myself of any other responsibilities I returned upstairs to play alien swarm  online with my friends.