NOTICE: I published and wrote these joke reviews back in 2011 under another name and personality on another website. For prosperity’s sake I’ve placed them here with the correct time stamps and the name octopuss. Enjoy!

I was in my local 99cent store buying gear for my next adventure.  Aside from boring medical supply’s I needed a bandana, why?

To protect my neck from the sun while I ride my bike, to dip it in water and keep my neck cool, to cover my mouth and nose around bad smells, to filter muddy water before I put in water treatment drops… the simple bandana is truly a multifunctioning tool.

I decided on a 95% polyester, 5% cotton mix.

That left me with two choices.

 

Nice right? I picked purple. I think it looks awesome for 99cents.

Once I got out of the store I dipped it in water, tied it around my neck and kicked off on my bike downhill.

It felt wonderful. But it quickly dried itself, I later realized  I should have gotten 100% cotton.

There is a overwhelming number of choices, none of which really matter.Its not life or death after all.  I say you make the best educated choice you can and run with it. It might just stress you out in real life but…

Hesitation will get you killed

In

Spelunky.

[download]

In spelunky you go down. DEEP down into a cave. The cave is broken up into  4 worlds built on top of each other, each comprising of 4 levels.  Each level is expected to be completed in about a minute or two. Along the way you collect treasure and overcome obstacles and enemy’s as you would expect in a platformer. It culminates with a boss fight at the very end.

It sounds so easy, even if the levels are hard with a little bit of trial and error you’ll learn what to do, you’ll punch the buttons in the right order and win.

Oh but the game is nothing like that. This game is so much more. Because spelunky is randomly generated. Every time you play the game. Every level you step into is different than any one before it. Games have done this before, but not quite like this.

Miyamoto’s legend of Zelda was a attempt to bring the spirit of exploring a cave to video games in 1986.  Derek Yu’s spelunky perfected it in 2008 .  A year later Notch began work on a “cave game” that would bring spelunky to a higher level by stripping it of its gamey structure for a much deeper focus on exploration and creativity.

And while I like minecraft

I like Spelunkly so much more.

I want to let you all know that its coming to something called the X-box 360 this year.

My favorite part about this trailer is how disarmingly easy  the music makes the game seem.

No Spelunky is a constant fight for survival and that’s what makes it so damn cool. Every enemy is a serious threat, every trap could end your life. Spelunky is full of moments where you look across the room, you see something you want and you walk away, because its not worth it. When your life ends you lose everything.

The sheer complexity of the game is beautiful.  A fully interactive environment overloaded with secrets, Spelunky is closest any game has come to matching the experience of off-terrain hiking.

It’s a gem of a game I really can feel proud about beating. It requires true skill, a iron focus and understanding of the game mechanics to complete spelunkly

Although I have beaten the game I have never managed to get to the legendary city of gold. Perhaps you can young adventurer.

Good luck…